I tried to tell you...

theprincessc @ 2006-02-21T07:33:00

2006-02-21T12:33:55Z

I'm tired of faking my life.

theprincessc @ 2006-02-07T09:41:00

2006-02-07T14:44:34Z

Even though I'm not completely happy in my situation, this day has already begun a little better because of a hot shower. The plumber finally came to look at our showers and turns out there are/were "scald guards" to prevent kids from burning themselves. So we've been taking luke-warm showers, if they were even that warm, since last June. BUT NOW!!!!...hot showers and baths! I'm so excited to be able to take baths again. They are definately no fun when the water is barely even warm.

Now it's time for Starbucks.

good day

2006-02-03T15:05:31Z

I'm feelin' pretty good today. I opened the store by myself and I'm working ALONE until Julie or Jen gets here from setting up for the wedding show tomorrow. I love my job. I love being in a shopping center with a Starbucks. I smell good today. I love not feeling depressed. And my dad is going to be stopping through Winston today and we're going to have lunch together. I haven't seen him since New Years Eve. I wanted to go home last weekend, but ended up working and I'm working the wedding show tomorrow so I can't go then. Thomas is going to Asheville on Sunday for the Super Bowl. If I don't end up babysitting for Jen, I may go with him. As long as I don't have to drive. Although, he'll want to take my car and I don't want him driving it. Hmmm. Oh well. I need to get back to folding brochures for tomorrow.

DANG!!!

2006-01-27T18:57:55Z

I'm hungry and it's past my lunch time! Wedding people need to GO AWAY!

theprincessc @ 2005-12-20T08:31:00

2005-12-20T13:33:12Z

Can this week get worse? Now my car won't start. Piece of shit ford. I never should've given up my Honda. NEVER! The tow truck man better hurry up and get here. I can't afford to not be at work on time.

theprincessc @ 2005-12-19T09:18:00

2005-12-19T14:26:05Z

I really thought Christmas would be different this year, being married and all. It's my least favorite holiday and after we got married, I was looking forward to it hoping we'd start making a few traditions of our own and that we'd finally get a tree this year. No. None of this has happened. No tree even though it's been promised to me since the day after Thanksgiving. We've already started fighting. Arguments about whose house we're going to be at when. Of course my family gets the shaft. They've gotten the shaft ever since Thomas and I started spending holidays together. But they don't mind, our family being smaller and always gathering in one place. Whereas his family is spread out and we never know if we're going to be in Hickory, Charlotte, Huntersville or Marion. Since my family only gets Christmas Eve with us, I feel like it's pretty important that we at least spend the night with them so we can see them Christmas morning. I'm an only child! My dad and grandparents and aunt and uncle WANT to see me. JESUS! So it really just ticks me off when Thomas tells me last night that he wants to drive to Hickory on Christmas Eve AFTER we're done with my family. NO. I don't think so mister. Stupid marriage compromises. Plus I have to see my mom and other grandmother that day too. I hate all holidays like this. I'm so thankful we don't celebrate Easter. I often wonder why we even celebrate Christmas. My uncle (through marriage) is the only one that even goes to church on Christmas and it's because his mom died. And that's another thing...my brother's grandfather died (his father's father) and my great uncle died this month. And my grandfather is the last of his siblings left and he's depressed about it. UGH. HOLIDAYS SUCK.

My new pet peave...(or is it peeve?)

2005-12-10T19:30:53Z

Anyway...the sound of poker chips constantly being dropped into a person's hand. My house is full of men playing poker, drinking beer and watching basketball in HD. Oh my God. Thank goodness for my dinner plans tonight.

*NOTE TO WHITNEY*
Everytime I hear a Prince song now, I think of you. I heard one today and that's what reminded me.

theprincessc @ 2005-10-05T08:37:00

2005-10-05T12:37:45Z

Today is going to be a great day for a nervous breakdown. The crying has already begun.

Wedding Stress...I'm just bitching

2005-09-29T20:52:34Z

Why can't people be courteous? I don't understand how writing a number or a check mark on the reply card, sticking it in and sealing the envelope and putting it in your mailbox with the flag up is so damn hard. Granted, the 30 cards that haven't come back yet (that's more than half of them) still have until Saturday to get here. I spent money that I don't technically have on those stupid stamps so that people could easily send them back. Maybe it really doesn't matter. But I'd still like to know so that I can give Homewood an accurate number and the caterer an accurate number. Grrr. I'm just irritated. I've already had to invite extra people that I didn't want to invite. Turns out those are the people that send their stupid reply cards back and THEY'RE COMING, of course.

I guess I just need something to bitch about constantly, and planning a wedding gives me plenty of things to bitch about. Never, will I EVER, do this again.

I see you're drinking 1%...

2005-09-26T11:58:14Z

I can't get Napoleon Dynamite out of my head! Geeeeeeez!

theprincessc @ 2005-09-14T07:39:00

2005-09-14T12:05:24Z

It feels like there's so much going on in my life right now. Well, not just mine, but Thomas', too. I LOVE my new job. It's at a little stationary and gift boutique called Note Worthy. I've got perfect hours--M-F, 10:30 am to 4 p.m., but not so perfect pay ($7/hr). However, the pay is temporary. When I started this job exactly 2 weeks ago, I was hired as a part-time, seasonal employee. However, the girl that worked M-F got a kick ass job at Wake Forest, so I was asked if I wanted her hours. Well, of course I wanted those hours! And I was told my pay would go up as soon as I got a good grasp on everything. Then yesterday, the owner and I had a conversation about me becoming her asst. manager. She said that when she had an asst. manager before, she paid her $15.50 an hour, which is WAY more than what I made at the credit union, even though I was salaried. I was really wary before about keeping this job as something permanent, and I know I don't have to keep it, but for once, I'm REALLY happy at a job. It's like I'm not even working. We get to print up invitations and stationary for people all day. It's fun and creative and I just look forward to going every day. Yay for my job.

Thomas' grandma is in Winston-Salem right now for surgery. She actually goes in for the operation in about 10 minutes. She has cancer in her intestines, so this surgery is pretty serious. Thomas feels pretty good about it. He's been working with the doctor that's going to actually perform it. If anyone reads this, please keep Granny McCoy in your thoughts today. We went to visit her last night and they had just given her her first dose of a laxative to "clean her out". She's not your typical little grandma. She's a feisty woman and she chews chaw...or used to anyway. I think it's hilarious. But we didn't want to be there when she had to run to the bathroom so we left pretty quickly. We could tell she didn't want us to go, but we didn't want it to be uncomfortable when the medicine started kicking in. I know she's worried.

Wedding..wedding..wedding. We've started getting our response cards back already...all family and bridal party people. I've got to say that I wouldn't mind if the majority of the people I invited didn't come. Other than family, 3 of the 14 people I invited to my bridal shower showed up. How lame is that? It was out of town for most people, but only by an hour. We still racked up with presents. My two favorite things being a chocolate fountain for fondue and a new toaster oven. They're both badass. :) My next line of business with the wedding is picking out gifts for the bridal party and a gift for Thomas. Plus his birthday is this month and I've got to get him something, I guess. I just don't have money. My first paycheck (which I get tomorrow) will be completely spent as soon as I get it on bills (checks are already written out for them, just need to get them in a mailbox...and the money in the bank). This is one downfall of this job...but at least I am MAKING money now, rather than not and relying on Thomas and family to help me out.

This coffee has me wired. It's kind of nice to be awake this early. Even though I never sleep well through the night, I've been sleeping until at least 8:40 every morning after Thomas leaves for work. I got up at the same time as him today at about 6:25. I've got some errands to run anyway...

blech

2005-09-10T13:35:02Z

I have a stupid bridal shower today. I already know that half of the 14 people I invited aren't going to be there. I don't want to go. I don't care about presents. I hate having crap. Our house is full enough. I don't want to dress up. GRRRRRRR. I could still be asleep right now. Bridal portraits are tomorrow morning in Asheville at the Botanical Gardens. I don't have anyone to do my hair, therefore it will look like shit. Not really excited about the pictures. I'm scared I'll fuck my dress and my shoes up. This wedding is too stressful. I hope I never have to do this again.

theprincessc @ 2005-09-01T08:54:00

2005-09-01T12:56:38Z

I had so many nightmares last night. I feel like I got no sleep at all. Some of the things that went on I can understand being in my subconcious, but why did it have to go on all night? I woke up several times, the first time feeling sick to my stomach and I honestly thought it was because of the dream. I'm so tired. But I am excited about my second day of work. A part-time job is just what I needed right now to ease back into the working world.

theprincessc @ 2005-08-17T10:46:00

2005-08-17T14:54:10Z

I keep wanting today to be the day that the lady at Truliant calls me back for another interview. I don't understand what's taking so long, exactly. Unless they just think I suck, which could always be the case. I've been playing with the idea of going back to school. Thomas told me to go for it, or at least take one class to see if I'm going to like it. I know this sounds silly, but I think it would be fun to be a CSI. Or maybe I just watch the show too much. But anyway, Forsyth Tech. offers a degree in applied science to do this. It's a 2 year program so I know the time would fly by. But then I keep considering things such as: I am revolted by blood, scared of dead people, not really all that intelligent, etc... Maybe I would become conditioned to deal with these things (except for the non-intelligence part which I could probably work on by applying myself more). I would have to sign up BY SATURDAY if I wanted to take a class. I don't think I could get my transcrips from UNCA that fast. I think I'll just let that idea settle on my brain for the next few months and maybe I can take classes in the spring. If I don't do the criminal justice technology track, there's always early childhood education. I'm actually pretty sorry that I didn't continue with my teacher licensure at UNCA. I was just tired of school and didn't know what was going on with Thomas. For some reason it feels like Monday.

theprincessc @ 2005-08-13T16:25:00

2005-08-13T20:31:23Z

I kind of like the fact that when he's done "punishing" me, it's because I have something he needs. The silent treatment is over and it's all because of post-it notes. Yes, a trivial item, but he needed them and I have them and he had to ask for them. So hopefully this will be the end of this "argument" if that's even what it was. More than anything I want respect and understanding and, unfortunately, to get my point across I'm very bull-headed, stubborn and full of pride. He's the same way so we clash and then there's no speaking to each other and I've automatically become "the bitch". He at least told me where he was going when he left a few minutes ago. Guess I have to do the same when Kyla comes to pick me up at 7:30. God, I miss Asheville and my friends there. But would it be the same if I went back? Probably not.

theprincessc @ 2005-08-12T14:20:00

2005-08-12T18:21:49Z

It's 2:20 and I haven't had a shower. I've done nothing but feel sorry for myself all day.

theprincessc @ 2005-08-12T09:41:00

2005-08-12T13:54:16Z

I feel shitty. I went to Asheville Wednesday night to visit a friend who was in town from Connecticut. This friend who is not even five months older than me has taken on the responsibility of being a foster parent/legal guardian for her 11 year old cousin. The girls mother is in prison and I don't recall hearing the story of the father. I don't even know if he was ever in the picture. So anyway, the cousin came with her to Asheville and I think it's great. But at the same time, it wasn't the same when I was hangin' with my friend. I drove two hours to see her and I absolutely despise the drive now. I just didn't feel like the trip was justified. Does that make sense? She had to get her cousin home because 9 is her bedtime. I didn't even get to Asheville until 3:30 and we saw a 4 o' clock movie. I did get to see another friend of mine after she got off work, about 10:30. That was nice. And yesterday morning I was able to get an oil change, tire rotation and my NC inspection. Nice to have that out of the way. And I got to see my brother and Michelle. The baby's due on the 26th! And he kicked me when I poked at her belly yesterday. That's exciting. But I just felt crappy all day. I fell asleep on the couch when I got home and I didn't have dinner ready for Thomas RIGHT when he walked in the fucking door so he got pissy and started making a frozen pizza. He didn't even give me time to get up and start cooking. I even had it laid out on the counter to start fixing it. It pissed me off so much. And for the past 2 weeks I've been asking him if we could have lunch together...at home, out, I didn't care. I just wanted to have lunch with him. So last night I ask him again if he can go to lunch with me today. "Well, you can come to lunch with me and some coworkers. They asked me to eat lunch with them." I tried to plead that I had been asking him for the past 2 weeks and he never could. "You've been gone to Asheville and you won't even cook dinner. Everything's all right Caroline. We went out to dinner the other night. What's the big deal?" Why do arrogant men just not get it? First of all, yes I did go to Asheville...FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT and he knows I didn't even want to go. And no, I didn't cook dinner because he already had the fucking pizza in the oven. I don't see the need in two entrees. Sometimes I want out of this. I don't trust him. He pulls shit like this all the fucking time. I feel like less of a person. I feel like less of a person anyway because I don't have a job and don't have anything to do to keep myself busy. I don't even know what I'd enjoy doing. And I don't have money. I keep telling myself not to stress. It's just money. The credit card will be paid off eventually. I feel helpless right now. And my feelings and emotions keep changing. Right now I feel like a ball of frustration.

theprincessc @ 2005-08-08T08:40:00

2005-08-08T12:45:14Z

I have another job interview this morning at Truliant Federal Credit Union. I'm trying not to get my hopes up this time. Seems no one, except Michaels, wants to hire me. I keep feeling so much regret for the way I acted in college. Not enough studying. Too much drinking. Too much time feeling depressed for stupid shit. Not really caring about the future. I know life is too short to feel regret, but I just can't help it because it's truly biting me in the ass right now. And I feel like a dumbass whenever I'm with Thomas and any of his coworkers (ie, the only people we go out with...except for Kyla). Anyway. I've got to go make myself look professional now and get the smell of coffee off my breath.

Here goes nothing.

shot down

2005-08-04T00:38:26Z

So I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about some things that have REALLY been bothering me the past few days. I mean, we're getting married in less than three months and we've been together for over five years. This shouldn't be a big deal, right? I e-mailed him while he was at work saying "Can we talk after dinner tonight?" He emails back, "Is there a problem?" And I email back "Yes, kind of. There are some issues about us I need to resolve." That's paraphrasing. I don't remember the *exact* words that I replied, but that was pretty damn close. So he emails back saying that I shouldn't be so vague and that I either need to tell him what's up or wait until he gets home to bring up anything like this. I email back and say I wasn't vague. I asked if we could talk and that was a just a "yes" or "no" response and that he's the one that wanted to know more right away. He emails back "jesus fucking christ" and I reply "I'm glad you know how I feel." Then I write another email saying Nevermind, let's not talk. I'll just let what's bothering me fester and my lack of trust for you grow and then I can call the wedding off a few days before it's supposed to happen. He replies "Why not just call it off now." I write back a simple "OK".

When he walks in the door he THROWS his man purse on the recliner and says "What are you bitching about today?" I ignore him and he goes on. I finally tell him 'nothing' and he says in his awful, trying to be "THE MAN" voice "So there's no problem". I say no and start crying. Luckily he's already in the bedroom getting out of his work clothes by then. I ate the dinner I cooked for us and put the leftovers away. Proceeded to get drunk off the rum I have. Run out of rum. Go to the ABC store (thank god it's close to us now that we've moved) and to Family Video to pick up sappy movies. As soon as I got back, he was leaving. Probably to see that Lisa chick or either to the gym. Really more like the gym. I felt like writing this entry and now I'm going back to more rum. I wish I had friends. I hope Rene' moves here like she's planning so I don't have to be alone. friends are nice.

theprincessc @ 2005-07-28T14:12:00

2005-07-28T18:14:13Z

Is it my lucky day? One of my managers at Michael's called and they don't need me tonight. So I only have to work tomorrow and Saturday and I'm done there FOREVER. Seriously, this time. Sweet. Now, if I can only get the branch manager at Truliant to give me a call back, I'll be set. :)

theprincessc @ 2005-07-28T13:47:00

2005-07-28T17:55:26Z

Yesterday was my fifth day working at Michaels and I already gave them my notice. I just can't do it. As much as I need the money. Part of me just feels above the job. I've worked there once and now I have a degree and feel like I shouldn't HAVE to work there. Today I went and filled out an application with Truliant and also at the Journal. I'm sure I won't hear a thing back from the journal. I have no real experience even though that's what I went to school for. At least at Truliant, I've had over a year's worth of experience working at another credit union. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for something, anything, where the hours are M-F with no nights or weekends. I have to work tonight at Michaels from 3 to close. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Which means that instead of cooking a nice meal for Thomas and myself, I have to take some frozen shit and eat it on my measly 30 minute break. Granted, I'm really only working about 6 hours, so a full break isn't even necessary, but this isn't what I'm used to. I like to cook dinner. I guess I made up for it by getting a nice lunch at Old Orchard. Veggies and cornbread! YUM.

This is a pointless entry. I just want to bitch and have no one in the flesh to bitch to. The internet will do.

WARNING: I may be a pedophile

2005-07-21T13:22:12Z

So I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday (I still think I like the original movie better), and there was a preview for the new Harry Potter movie coming out in November. Harry and Ron are looking good. "Potentials" as we used to call the younger hot guys when we were in high school. However, I'm not in high school anymore. I'm not even in college. I'm 25 and I think they're pretty damn cute, which I also find disturbing. hahaha...anyway. Looking forward to seeing the movie. I'm only on chapter 6 of the new book. I can't believe I waited until 1 am Friday night to get the damn thing. It was something to do, though.

Today's my second day of my new job. I have to leave in 20 minutes. I don't want to go. I secretly wish I was still jobless. As hard as it is to not have any money, I really enjoy staying at home doing housework and having dinner ready when Thomas gets home. Oh well. I need to be around people. I have become a social retard since moving to Winston Salem.

Finally, but I'm not happy...

2005-07-18T18:43:58Z

So I was hired at Michaels and I start tomorrow. I'm really glad just to be working again. It's been almost 3 months now. I still feel somewhat ashamed that I have to go back to retail now that I have a degree. But no one will hire me because I have NO experience. At least it's a job I've worked at before, however it was only part-time the first time. Everyone I met today seems nice, so hopefully it won't be so redneck and awful like the Asheville store. Yay for jobs. At least it's some money and I won't have to ask Thomas for money anymore.

theprincessc @ 2005-07-15T16:20:00

2005-07-15T20:22:55Z

I got my rejection letter in the mail today. Looks like I'll be going back into a retail job. I just don't understand. I'm not a total idiot. All my references say good things about me. I'm a hard worker when it comes to my jobs. Why can't I get a real fucking job? Maybe I can at least get this job at Michaels until after the wedding and start looking for a *real* job again. This shit exhausts me.

theprincessc @ 2005-07-12T09:37:00

2005-07-12T13:39:02Z

Second interview today. I'm not as nervous as I was for the first one, and that one ended up nicely. But I do feel stupid because I was driving when the guy called so I couldn't write anything down and I don't know his name. It's either David or Eric. I'm not sure which. Eek. Oh well. I'll just walk in and say "Hi, I have a 10 o' clock appt. with the manager." That sounds kind of stupid, but what am I going to do. Oh well. I hope I get it. It would be tragic if I had to go back to retail.